March 31 1492
Ferdinand and Isabel expel all of the Jews from Spain. Even with the infusions of gold and silver arriving during the 16th century from the Americas, this is an act from which Spain never recovers. By expelling their merchant and banking class, Jews and Muslims, the country is left ill-equipped to process the new wealth, which ultimately winds up in the coffers of other countries and squandered on disastrous military campaigns.
March 31 1889
Phallic symbol Eiffel Tower completed.
March 31 1959
The Dalai Lama is forced to leave Tibet, after the Red Communists make it very unpleasant for him to stay. He accuses the Chinese of making genocide against the Tibetan people, by systematic destruction of Tibetan culture and execution of thousands of prominent citizens.
March 31 1991
Danny Bonaduce arrested for assault after he fought with a transvestite prostitute. No contest, 750 hours community service.
March 31 1995
The president of the Selena Fan Club, Yolanda Saldivar, kills the Tejano music popstar Selena in Corpus Christi, TX. “It just went off, I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t mean to kill anybody”. That might be true, but the jury did not believe her.
Mar 31 1996
During a homebrew exorcism in Rhode Island, a man accidentally punctures the esophagus of his mother-in-law when he jams two pointy steel crucifixes down her throat, causing a large quantity of blood to gush out. Mario Garcia is later charged with assault with a dangerous weapon.
March 31 2005
Long-time vegetable Terri Schiavo is finally expires despite manufactured outrage from Tom DeLay, Bill Frist and Rick Santorum. An autopsy eventually revealed that Terri had checked out a long time ago, having suffered extensive brain damage, directly contradicting Dr. Frist’s earlier diagnosis made from the floor of the Senate.